Shots
by wordsaremyescape
Summary: Just a few shots. That's all it was. That's all it was ever going to be. Amy/Ricky NEW PENNAME!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own no part of Secret Life. All characters are the creation of Brenda Hampton. I just own the plot.**

_Adrian's pregnant, and it's my baby!_ Amy could still hear the sentence he'd spilled in one breath. Each time she heard it in her head she wanted to pound it out, take those words away as if they had never been said. This couldn't be happening. Ben Boykewich wasn't having a baby with Adrian Lee. It just wasn't possible. She soon realized that yes, yes it was. If what happened at band camp was possible then so was this.

_But he loves me _she thought. Ben wouldn't be stupid enough to go off and have sex with someone when he promised to wait until she was ready. Let alone with her worst enemy. _Adrian_. The name tasted bitter as it mentally slipped off her tongue. Adrian was having Ben's baby and he'd waited until now to tell her so. The first part of the confession was the one that really got to her. Amy couldn't even read the numbers off the meter. As the taxi cab pulled up to the hotel she could barely see _anything_ in front of her. Coming to a halt, the driver turned to face her.

"That'll be twenty dollars Miss." Being taken out of her own personal pain, she fumbled for her wallet. With shaking hands she offered the man a twenty. "Have a great night now," he called as she collected her things. She held back a laugh and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _Oh yeah, tonight's been fantastic._ Instead she smiled kindly, offering him a quick 'thank you' as she closed the door. Before he could even pull away, she ran.

For a minute she had no idea where she was running. Her room, so she could cry her heart out? No. If she went to bed she'd dream. Dream about how the man she cared about so much had gone behind her back and had sex with another woman. _You kissed another man_ she reminded herself. But he wasn't just any man. He was the father of her baby. The kiss was nothing, it would never be anything. It _could_ never be anything.

Ricky Underwood was a lady's man. Willing to keep a girl in his life was unheard of. The idea for some reason angered her. Not because she wanted him. She'd just as easily jump off the Golden Gate Bridge before she ever fell for Ricky. They were friends, sure. They had to be for the sake of their son. They had even become really _good _friends over the past few months. Ricky was irritating. That much she knew. He committed himself where it counted most. Her son had a father. A father who loved him. A father who kept telling the world that John was all he really loved. For Amy that was all that mattered.

Amy cried harder when she realized why she had John in the first place. She gave herself up at band camp. At fifteen she'd had sex with the head drummer. Just another notch under his belt. Yet, as far as she knew she was the only one lucky enough to have accidently been impregnated with his child. He'd used her just like he used all the others.

Through a steady stream of tears she saw the espresso machine in the main hall. She walked up to it, taking a small coffee cup and letting a few shots drip. When it was finally filled it to the brim she took one big swig and slammed it down on the counter. Those around her looked at her questioningly but she ignored them. Just like she'd tried to ignore the unquenchable pain in her chest. The knife was still there, she knew.

_What I wouldn't give for a shot of booze right about now_ she thought. Amy stopped mid-espresso shot her eyes wide. Even admitting it to herself was scary. As quickly as she shock had come, it vanished. _Anything to take this pain away_ she cried. By now her brain was set on autopilot. Drip, swig, slam, cry, drip, swig, slam, cry. Time became non-existent. She had no idea how long she'd been downing shots of coffee but soon enough she could feel her heart pounding in her ears. Hearing the sound of drums, she smiled.

Everything in her rang with elation. She felt a wide smile come across her face as she walked back to her apartment. She'd finally decided. She had to call John. She'd been so busy that she wasn't able to call all day. With a new sense of purpose she slammed through her door swiping up the phone and dialing. Shaking fingers found the familiar number she'd called this morning. She almost squealed at the idea of talking to her son. She loved him so much, missed him so much. Falling back on her bed, she bounced impatiently.

"Pick up, Ricky! Pick up, pick up, pick up!"

"Hello," he mumbled sleepily. _Oh crap. I woke him up! I'll just call back tomorrow _she thought. What her brain wanted and what came out of her mouth though, were two completely different things.

"Hi Ricky! How's John? Can I talk to him? Please? I haven't talked to him all day!"

"Amy?" he asked sleepily.

"Yeah it's Amy. Who else would it be, Adrian?" she asked rolling her eyes. "Of course you're thinking its Adrian. How could I have guessed differently?" she added in disgust. "Well it's not Adrian. I'm sorry to rain on your parade," she growled.

"Amy," he said more awake this time. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" She looked down at her watch and smiled.

"Yeah it's three o'clock," she replied.

"Holy crap Amy! What the hell are you doing up at three in the morning?" he asked angrily.

"Talking to you silly! Well more specifically I want to talk to John. Can you wake him up so I can say hi?"

"Amy it's midnight. He's asleep. Just like everyone else is. Just like I was before you called."

"I'm too awake to sleep!" she announced bouncing again on the bed. Ricky's eyes widened. He noticed the tremor in her voice, the over excitement. His heart stopped cold, panic setting in.

"Amy, what did you have?" he asked uncertainly, now fully awake.

"N-n-nothing," she said. Ricky noticed a shaking in her voice immediately. Whether it was her trade-mark lying give away or whatever she had in her system he knew she wasn't telling him the truth.

"You had something. What the hell are they giving you?" he asked running a hand nervously through his hair.

"The stupid s-s-s-school doesn't have any booze," she whispered. Ricky wanted to ram his head into the nearest wall. Since when was Amy interested in alcohol?

"Of course they don't! Why the fuck would you even want that stuff?" he growled. He heard Amy sigh on the other side of the phone.

"The bet-t-t-er question being, why do you care? Ricky Underwood doesn't care about anyone but himself!" His train of thought stopped dead. Along with it he could feel something in his chest give and drop about a foot. Is that what she thought? He quickly realized that she really couldn't come up with anything else. That was all he'd given her.

The way he treated her when she first found out she was pregnant. The denial he'd gone through when she told him whose baby it was she was carrying. He'd given her every excuse in the book. He couldn't have gotten her pregnant. He was always so careful. He had done it before; he knew how to be safe. Yet somehow he was here, in her house, in her room looking after the son they shared. The baby that wasn't supposed to be but ended up happening anyway. A baby that held his entire heart in his small little hands.

Why did he care? In the silence that followed her question she could hear her breathing. The same sound he heard the morning after she'd given him what she most valued. The possession that he'd never had to take from anyone before. Amy was different. Whether it be the fact that she was different in the sense that she'd never actually had sex before or something else he wasn't sure. Going over it in his head he realized that he was leaning more towards the second option. Amy Juregens had something about her, something he couldn't place.

"Hello?" he heard her ask. "Knock, knock, anybody home?" Despite the fact that he knew she wasn't herself at the moment (he'd really have to watch her coffee intake from now on. Did she even drink coffee?) he had to laugh. He felt another pull at his heart when he heard her giggle. Not sure what it was, he ignored it.

"Yeah I'm still here," he said. "How much coffee did you have Amy?" He heard her sigh, exasperated. Ricky could almost _hear _her rolling her eyes at him.

"I d-d-don't know!" she yelled. He cringed at the volume of her voice and pulled the phone away slightly.

"_Why _were you drinking it?" Amy sighed. She was both irritated and in pain. Why was Ricky asking her all these questions? What she did to drown her misery was her own business. A picture of him flashed across her mind and without realizing it felt the world blur around her. "Amy?" he asked more carefully, "What happened?"

"You got me pregnant, that's what happened!" she growled. Ricky felt like he'd just been slapped. "And because of that, everything's been ruined! Everything!" she sobbed. Guilt washed over him like a tidal wave. _How could I have been so stupid? _He heard her struggling for breath and sighed.

"Amy you have to breathe," he said gently. She had no idea why, but something in her flared.

"Don't you _dare _tell me what to do Richard Underwood!" Anger. "It's because I listened to you that all of this even happened! 'Let's hang out tonight. Let's have sex. I won't let you give up the baby.' Look at where I am Ricky! A baby at fifteen!"

"Hey you're not the only one with a baby!" he countered.

"Oh yeah? Who spent nine months pregnant with him? Who went through hours of labor to have him? Who wakes up around the clock to look after him? Me! It's all me!"

"Not true. I'm over here every single night to be with him," he said.

"Yeah, till he's asleep. Then you leave it all up to me." Ricky had an argument but held his tongue. It wouldn't help anything if he brought up another point. She'd just find a way to be right. It didn't take him long to realize that, for the most part she was. She had John living with her. She tended to him every night. He just came to see him for a few hours every night. He'd just had sex—Almost instantly, it hit him. This wasn't about John. This wasn't even about him. This was about Ben. He had no idea why, but he now wanted to pound the kid's face in.

"This isn't about me, is it?" he asked. Hearing this question Amy released a heart-wrenching sob. It surprised Ricky that he could almost feel it himself. Digging deep in the pit of his chest, a knife stuck so deep that it almost made him bleed.

"She's having his baby!" she cried. He just stood there not knowing what else to do. Not that he could do much. She was states away from home. "That jerk is having her baby!" He wasn't even going to correct her on the way she said that. Instead he sighed.

"I know," he whispered. Amy's blood ran cold. He knew? The admission angered her even more.

"You know? You've known this entire time and haven't even bothered to tell me?" she screamed.

"It wasn't my story to tell Amy. Ben had to tell you himself." He heard an object fly to the nearest wall on the other side.

"Oh he told me alright. I believe his exact words were 'Adrian's pregnant and it's my baby.' He said it right after we kissed all in one breath." Ricky literally slamned his head into the wall this time. Ben was such an idiot!

"Shit!" he groaned. He could feel a bump forming on his head now. He made a silent promise to pound him the next time he went into work. For the bump that he had a feeling would turn into a watermelon Ben would pay. _And for hurting Amy _he added.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, fine," he said.

"Well that makes one of us," she mumbled. "I…I can't do this anymore," she sniffled. "I don't want to be here," she sighed.

"Do you want me to talk to your parents about flying you home?" he asked.

"Home? Are you crazy? Home is where all my problems are! I can't go home!" Ricky sighed. If she didn't want to be there or at home, where the hell did she want to be?

"Well for Christ's sake Amy! Make up your mind! What do you want?" He soon regretted his tone when she heard her release another sob. "What do you want?" he repeated much quieter this time. _Someone to hold me_ she thought. Her next thought terrified her. _You to hold me_. She shook her head frantically fighting to get the image out of her head.

"I don't know!" she shot back. "I don't know what the hell I want! God I need more coffee," she sighed.

"No you don't," he said.

"How do you know what I need?" she snapped.

"I don't know unless you actually tell me Amy."

"I…I…"

"You what?"

"I need John," she said weakly. "I need my baby," she whimpered. Something in Ricky snapped when she heard her weakness. He now knew why Amy was nothing he'd ever seen before. He finally understood why he fought so hard to keep the baby. It wasn't just about his own screwed up childhood. Somewhere deep in the back of his head he couldn't get rid of her, didn't want to. That scared him. _Why _couldn't he lose her? He had sex with her. That's all Ricky ever did, have sex. That's what he was good at. The alien emotions were something completely unknown.

"Oh lord Amy, please don't cry," he begged. It was as if he hadn't said anything for she kept crying. And now, she had no idea how to stop. Everything hurt. She couldn't move. She was freezing, even with mountains of blankets on. "Breathe," he prompted. As hard as she tried she couldn't comply. Her heart was racing. It felt as though her heart was going to leap out of her chest.

"I….I….I can't," she cried. "It hurts. Everything hurts."

"Come on. In and out. It's not that hard." This time she complied, but they were short and shallow as she tried to compose her crying. "In….out," he whispered.

"I don't want to sleep. I can't…"

"Yes you can. Just take it slow." Finally she did so with a little bit more ease.

"That's it," he said. "Slow and steady."

"What day is it?" she asked softly.

"Friday, well Saturday now," he yawned. Now she felt bad. She'd kept Ricky awake to blab about her own ridiculous problems.

"Go to sleep," she laughed.

"I could definitely use some," he said. "Are you okay?" She could hear the ring of sincerity in his question and smiled.

"No," she said quietly. Ricky jolted when he realized his next plan of action. He found himself logging onto her computer now, entering a search for red-eye flights from California to New York. He had no idea why he was doing this but continued on anyway.

"Aha," he said tapping one last key on the keyboard.

"What?" she asked.

"We'll see you in seven hours," he told her. Amy's eyes widened.

"What? No!"

"Amy you're not sleeping. I won't be able to tell Italian from breakfast sausage come morning." She found tears pooling yet again. _Italian_. Hearing her sniffle he groaned. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "We'll see you soon," he promised.

"Ricky this is ridiculous! You have work, you have school. Stay home I'll be fine!"

"Will you?" he asked uncertainly. At this point she really didn't know.

"I think so."

"I'll believe that when I see it," he said. "Can I bring you anything from home?" _Just you_ she thought. Why she thought this she had no idea. Even though she wasn't allowed to, the image soothed her some. She realized that if anyone could help her right now, it'd be him. He'd been there, he'd felt her pain. Ricky understood her on a level that no one else ever could, no matter how hard they tried. It was all thanks to John. All thanks to that one time at band camp.

"No," she sighed knowing now the fight to keep him there would be pointless. There was no arguing with him when he'd made up his mind. Amy learned that the hard way.

"I'll see you soon," he said.

"Tha—" but the line had already gone dead. "Thank you," she whispered to no one but the walls of her empty room.

**A/N: Mr. Plot Bunny wouldn't leave me alone, I had to write this. Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh my gosh guys. 17 reviews? I never even ****thought ****I'd get that many at all, let alone on the first chapter. Amazing. Enjoy the next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing in terms of Secret Life. Just the plot.**

After the line had been dead for a good five minutes, somehow Amy couldn't end the call. The call itself was already over but she couldn't bring herself to put the phone down. Even though she'd asked for it (indirectly) she honestly never expected anyone to meet her needs. More specifically, someone meeting it in the middle of the night. More surprising still, was the one who'd done it. Ricky never did anything for anyone of his own free will. What made her any different? _You're his child's mother _she remembered.

Was that why he'd practically demanded that he come see her? Was it only because she'd asked to see John that he was on his way over? She came to the conclusion that it really didn't matter how she got to see him. The important thing is that she would be able to. _And Ricky. I'd be able to see Ricky_. Again the forbidden thought floated in her mind. Something about it didn't feel so off limits anymore.

They'd grown to mutually respect the other over time. A true sign of this she saw in his willingness to comply with her one simple request. He didn't have to but because she asked, he was staying in her house, with her less than functional family, just to make her happy. This meant nothing. In the end he just wanted her to shut up and keep packing. In order to do that he had to say he would, even though in the end that was the last place he wanted to be.

Ricky would be happy when she was finally home. Once she was back they could go back to their somewhat normal lives. As normal as you could get with two teenagers raising a baby that is. Mid-sigh she heard the blast of her ring tone, phone still glued to her ear. Both caffeine overload and being startled in complete silence made her jump. Looking at it, she saw her sister's name flash across the screen. Didn't they get it yet? Right now she didn't want to talk to anyone. Angrily she stabbed the side button, letting it fall to voicemail. If it was important enough, she would leave a message. When her phone alerted her of a new message, she set the phone down on her bedside table letting herself fall into a fitful rest.

A few minutes later she heard the blare of music once again. Pulling herself far enough out of the comforter she reached tiredly for the phone. Frustration came over her in waves. Of all people. Of all people it was _him._ More than anybody else Ben was the _last _person she wanted to speak to.

Whether it was pure anger or a mix of such and inducer running through her veins, she found herself throwing it roughly against the wall on a far end of her room. As it left her fisted hand, she could feel herself going through some kind of movie sequence. One of those slow motion scenes where the unbelievable was about to happen. All she could do was stare as her once perfectly put together phone fell in a broken heap to the floor. There was something satisfying about seeing it shattered into a million little pieces.

Amy laughed when she realized why she enjoyed it so much. Communication was a two way street. As long as there was no phone there wouldn't be any calls. The only one she would have made a call to would be here in just a few hours. Everyone else would have to wait. It would also cease his frequent calls to make up some kind of apology.

_I need a shower_. With that thought in mind she collected her things leaving what used to be her communication device in its beautiful mess on the floor. Turning on the thundering water, she waited a couple of minutes before stepping inside. There, she let the steam consume her. In the process her memories would be numbed as well. At least a few of them. She hoped.

Why was he doing this? Why the hell was he up at this hour rushing to put together a travel bag to New York? As he did this, every bone in his body demanded sleep. Y_ou promised her _he reminded himself. The idea shook him. He never made promises to anyone. Promises meant commitment.

He swore to Margret that he'd never be able to commit. It wasn't in his nature. Just as quickly, he realized he'd broken that promise months ago. It didn't hit him until now, that this _was_ commitment. Keeping yourself dedicated to something, _someone_ important was a promise. A promise to get involved. One he was forced to keep for the next eighteen years, and beyond. That extended to his baby's mother.

He didn't have to. He knew that much. Ricky could just as easily do what Amy had earlier suggested; leave her to her own devices when it came to raising their son. But he wasn't Bob. He would just as quickly shoot himself in the foot multiple times over before he became anything like his father. Even though he was going against his every belief in the book, he knew he had to do it.

The mere idea of making any other choice killed him. Ricky came to the clear understanding that if it killed him, it would have done so ten times over to Amy. As much as she pushed that she knew what was better for their child, he couldn't bare the idea of anyone else being a father to his son.

He knew better than anyone what the system did to a boy. With his own, he had a choice. Even though the final choice was difficult, he knew it was right for them. He'd been left in foster with no solid role model to call his own. And what did that make him? A sex addicted teenage boy who'd had fun with almost every girl at Grant High. In sex, he had control. Something Bob never offered him. With John he had a choice, the world be damned if they forced him to change his mind. John's fate was Ricky's first real choice he ever made. Looking at him now he knew there was no other option he would have ever gone with. The other end of the spectrum scared him stiff.

Termination would have put him six feet under in a heartbeat. Just the thought put a knot in his chest. He knew Amy would suffer the same pain if her stubborn bull-headed behavior won out. _Amy _he thought. Even just thinking her name ignited something in him. He was doing this for Amy. He was sacrificing hours of sleep and multiple days' pay for her. Thinking about it now, every single choice he'd made was done so with her in mind. She needed someone. She needed _him_.

Okay, so she hadn't really said that much. She didn't really have to. Her tone spoke volumes on its own. Hearing the desperation in her voice something in him fought the urge to hold her, comfort her that very minute. Ricky immediately shook it off. But he was the only one she talked to in days. Sure, her first shot was John but when she'd learned that he was too asleep to talk, Ricky heard her breakdown. And just like the friend he promised to be, he listened to her rant. Not that he had much of an option. It was either that or hang up on her. Ricky was self-centered, without a doubt, but even _he _wasn't that cruel.

She mattered to him. Something he swore he'd never admit, even to himself. Things were changing. _He _was changing. Whether Amy knew it or not, she was making small changes to how he saw things. Slowly, she was sculpting him into a completely different man. A man he wanted to be. In that way they were a part of each other now. She was his, and he hers. That's the way it would always be. They shared something no one else would ever understand. _Amy was different._ For her, he found himself changing, making small improvements.

Just like Amy had pointed out Ricky never did anything unless it would in the end benefit him. _Making her happy does _were four words that floated across his brain that he instantly shook off. Why did it suddenly matter to him how she felt? While he thought up a number of speculations he quietly collected his bags while juggling John trying to keep him asleep. That lasted for about two minutes before he whimpered quietly, grasping at the hem of his shirt.

"It's okay bud. Go back to sleep," he whispered.

"Ma-ma," he mumbled, half asleep. Ricky couldn't fight a smile.

"You'll see her soon," he promised. Seemingly satisfied with this answer, he repositioned himself and went back to sleep.

The little sleep Ricky was able to get was during the flight. It was better than getting no sleep at all. Part of him wondered if Amy ever managed to get back to sleep after their phone call. _Would you stop? She's not even yours to worry about! _Shaking his head blearily he made a quick exit of the plane and haled a taxi.

Reaching the building he rushed inside. The halls were knowingly empty. For a minute he wondered where everyone was. Not really caring, he pushed forward. Thankfully, all the doors had small labels on them. This would save him from wasting time asking for directions. When he reached hers he set his bags down, quietly opening it.

Getting inside he smirked. On her chest lay a book she was in the middle of reading before sleep took her. Setting John quietly on the floor with a couple of toys he tiptoed over, gently taking the open book off her chest, setting it on her side table. Taking a spot next to her, he carefully moved a strand of loose hair that had fallen in her eye. Feeling someone's hand on her face, Amy gasped, eyes opening widely. She woke to Ricky's oh too familiar smirk and groaned.

"Ricky?" she mumbled in question.

"Good mornin'," he greeted.

"What time is it?" she asked rubbing sleep from her eyes. Looking over at her alarm clock, she gasped. "Holy crap! It's ten o'clock!"

"Well for us it's only seven, but yeah."

"How long have you been here?" she asked.

"About two minutes. Sorry if I woke you," he apologized. Getting a better look at his face Amy's heart picked up.

"No, it's okay. I should have been up three hours ago."

"Are you sure you weren't _up _three hours ago?" he laughed. She glared at him and sighed.

"I couldn't sleep after you called. So I decided to take a shower and read until you got here," she said.

"Doesn't look like that worked out too well," he said.

"I don't even know what time I got to sleep," she mumbled. Now that he was closer he could see bags forming under her eyes, tear tracks that followed the curve of her cheeks. He could tell her latest batch had been significantly fresh.

"You didn't get to sleep at all did you?" he asked.

"I tried," she whispered.

"Yeah well trying isn't doing," he said. Amy rolled her eyes and sighed. Ricky saw her shoulders fall, the start of another round of tears coming down her cheeks.

"Oh god," he groaned. "What'd I say about cryin'?" he whispered. Even though it was said as a means for her to stop, that only prompted more. Seeing her like this pulled at something in him bringing out a sigh. "Come 'ere," he said softly. Somehow doubting his invitation Amy shook her head.

"I'm…I'm fine," she said almost inaudibly.

"No you're not," he demanded. "If you were okay there wouldn't be water works. Now come here," he repeated. She declined with a second shake of her head. "My god Amy. Why do you always have to be so stubborn?" he growled. Slightly irritated and seeing that she wasn't going to be the one to close the gap, he physically pulled her over to him. Something in her put up a fight. He didn't want to do this. Why was he forcing her? After a couple of minutes she gave in. He was obviously stronger than she was. Taking in his musky scent she crumbled. "I got'cha," he said quietly. Those two words were enough to let her fall further into him. And there, she finally let herself cry.

"It hurts…" she whimpered.

"I know," he said reassuringly. She looked up at him and snorted.

"You know?" she sniffled.

"Yeah, I do," he said pulling at the ends of her freshly washed hair. He took just a minute to inhale the smell that traveled to his senses. _Lilacs_. She laughed out loud glaring daggers at him.

"No. No you _don't _know!" In just a few seconds she shot up pointing an angry finger at him. "You have no _idea _what it's like to be lied to, manipulated, and cheated on. You always did the dirty work! The cherry on top was the smile through it all! You Ricky Underwood know _nothing _about how much it hurts. To see someone you love with every piece of you that isn't devoted to your own flesh and blood. And then to have them completely betray you!" By now she was hyper-ventilating. Struggling with each accusation. "Nothing Ricky. You have no clue what it feels like. _I have to watch you do it every day_ he thought.

"Breathe Amy. You have to breathe," he said gently, coming up behind her. Seeing she wasn't going to stop he wrapped his arms around her waist to steady her. Feeling him take hold, she sent an elbow to his stomach. He lost breath for three seconds but quickly recovered his arms securely where he had put them. "Breathe Amy. You're hyper ventilating."

Feeling the ground move beneath her she felt her legs turn to jelly falling promptly to the ground. Ricky followed taking his place behind her. He stayed there until eventually she curled into him helplessly.

"I can't!"

"You are," he pointed out. "Keep doin' that. It's good for ya."

"I can't move."

"You don't have to yet. I don't wantcha fallin' over again. It's going to alert people to some kind of emergency."

"How…how could he do this to me?" she cried.

"He's an idiot Ames. An idiot who knows nothing about good while he's got it," he whispered.

"A baby…I can't believe he's…"

"Me either."

"I won't even be able to look at him."

"I can't understand why you even would in the first place. He's a wimp Amy. A self-absorbed, controlling, insecure wimp." She looked up at him questioningly. "Okay so I'm a little self-absorbed," he admitted. "I know my limits. Hurting a girl you're supposed to be in love with is defiantly one of them."

"He hurt me…"

"I know he did," he said softly. "I was supposed to pound his face in about ten minutes ago," he smirked.

"Why? "

"He hurt something that's mi—most important to me," he quickly corrected.

"I'm not important to you. You just put up with me," she said.

"You're my son's mother. Of course you're important. I wouldn't fly out here in the dead of night for just anyone." She knew how hard it was for him to admit something like that. Whether it was true or not it allowed her to smile.

"Just because I'm a crying mess doesn't mean you have to make stuff up to make me feel better Ricky."

"Who says I'm lying?"

"Its second nature to you," she pointed out. That unexpectedly, made him cringe. Amy didn't realize how right she was. He had lied. He'd lied to every girl he'd ever been with. He'd spend hours making up stories about how much he liked her, why he liked her, how much she (supposedly) meant to him. All of it, a charade just to get her into bed. The very next day, like clockwork, he'd drop her. He'd done the same to Amy.

"Okay let me rephrase that. When—in the last year or so—have I lied to you?"

"Never, I hope," she whispered.

"What makes you think you don't matter to me Amy?"

"Isn't it obvious? You come here, in the dead of night, not for me but to let me see my son."

"Amy he hasn't even been brought into the conversation yet," he said. "Where have you been for the last twenty minutes?"

"Here."

"And where is 'here'?"

"With you," she whispered. Bringing them out of their little moment of rare bonding, John walked over, a mound of electronics in his hands.

"What do you have their buddy?" he asked curiously. He laid it in Ricky's open hand. That sent Amy a look of surprise and she groaned.

"Ma-ma," he smiled, promptly setting himself in her lap.

"Hi baby," she grinned. "How are you?" she asked holding him close. He said nothing, simply snuggling into her and laying his head comfortably on her chest. "I missed you so much," she said.

"He missed you too," Ricky said. "He misses you a lot. It takes twice as long to get him to sleep lately."

"Really? I always thought he liked you more," she said.

"He sees you every day Amy. That's what he's used to. Me he sees for a few hours every night. It's a consistency thing. Now in other news, tell me what's up with this…pile of metal."

"He tried calling," she growled.

"I take it you didn't answer the call?"

"No, I threw it across the room," she said sheepishly.

"Very nice," he smirked. "Did it make you feel better?"

"Not really. It still feels like someone's taking a knife to my chest."

"I told you this once Amy and I'll say it again. He's not worth it. Think about everything he's done to you. Is he really all that reliable?"

"No," she whispered.

"You deserve so much better Amy," he said weaving his fingers through her hair. "I don't know who that is yet, but it sure as hell isn't Ben. Don't get yourself so worked up over the guy. You're here to follow your dream, not spend it freaking out over some guy who didn't find you worthy enough of staying honest with."

"I can't. Not anymore. My focus has gone down the toilet. Even before he screwed things up," she admitted.

"You have to stay focused Amy."

"What if I don't want to?"

"You're gonna have to. You've got two more weeks before you come home."

"I don't even know what home is anymore," she sighed.

"Home, Amy is where people love you and care about your well-being and happiness."

"Home's messed up," she said.

"Whose isn't," he laughed. "We all have our challenges Amy. Challenges we have to face if we wanna make it out to be somebody and make something of ourselves."

"When did you get so smart," she laughed.

"It's selective intelligence. I share it rarely so consider yourself lucky." She was lucky. Even with the idea that she had the misfortune of teen motherhood she was one of the lucky ones. Despite the misfortune she had something many in her situation didn't have. A loving family, a healthy little boy. Nothing else really mattered in this little stretch of time. Right here, right now, she had her family surrounding her. A small portion, but it was enough for now. She smiled when she realized what she'd just admitted. Despite being at each other's throats on a daily basis, she and Ricky would always come out on mutual ground. In the end they were friends searching for a common goal, a better life for their son. "What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing," she said. _Just you._

**A/N: Good, bad? Leave a review and let me know!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I still don't own any part of Secret Life.**

Ricky froze for a minute. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her smile at him. Out of facial habit, he returned it with a smirk. Something in him made the smirk disappear. Now, he was just thinking. Not that it was easy with a slight fog in his thoughts. Seeing Amy smile. That was something that for some reason stopped his thinking for a good minute. As simple as it was, it mesmerized him.

"Are you okay Ricky?" she chuckled. Amy saw him return her gaze with one that stayed blank for a minute or two. Startled, he automatically shook his head. Images like that shouldn't be planted. He couldn't think of Amy like that.

"Yeah, yeah fine," he mumbled. Even though he knew he wasn't supposed to, something in him couldn't look away. This was nothing like the overly used flirtatious smiles he got from Adrian. Something about it was innocent, simple. Nothing brought it on. At least it wasn't in the extreme sense. On Amy, there was something natural about her expressions. He knew this, yet something in him jolted. What surprised him even more though, was the fact that he _liked _it.

"Are you sure? You've had that far away look on your face for a while now," she giggled. He smirked taking in the sound. It was quiet, soft. Just the way he remembered when he came over to help her practice. Ricky could see a light blush forming on her cheeks now. It took him a minute to realize that she was right. He was starring. From the look on her face he could see that she had figured it out. Amy discovered that the main attraction was her. When he himself came to the realization, he shook his head, trying to bring himself back into reality.

The only answer she got was a slight shift in a loose strand of hair, moved by his hand. She held back a gasp when she noticed how close his hand was to her face. Sitting there in his lap allowed her to feel a silent breath fly close to her ear. Amy closed her eyes, bringing herself closer to him. Not that there was much of a difference from the last time. They were already as close as they could get.

Coming to, she thought about it again. There's no way he wanted this. With that in mind, she backed away enough to give him space. Ricky was startled by her sudden backing away but kept his face expressionless. A small part of him wanted to take her back, keep her exactly where she was, but he refrained.

"What?" he smirked. "You afraid I'm gonna bite?" he asked. Amy could only shake her head, not trusting her shaky voice. And then it hit her. She'd never been this close to Ben. All they ever did was hold hands. She could tell by his movements that he was too afraid to do anything else. Even that was awkward. His hands were always shaking, and sometimes even clammy. Being this close to Ricky, there was something easy about it. Maybe it was part of the fact that they started out so close. It wasn't forced. And all of that surprised her, scared her even. It took him running his finger along her cheek to realize that she was crying.

"I…" she started. Ricky just looked at her, closing the gap between them, taking her to him.

"What's on your mind Amy?"

"Nothing, it's stupid," she whispered. He just looked at her, his eyes telling her that he knew differently. As hard as she tried to look away, something in her returned his gaze. "Ben. He never…did things like this," she whispered.

"What things?" he asked. Amy sighed, not exactly sure how to word it without it sounding ridiculous.

"He's never just…held me," she said softly.

"You mean to tell me, that in all the times you've cried, he's never done anything but watch?" he asked. She nodded, ducking her head sheepishly. Something in Ricky blazed with anger. He could feel every part of himself wanting to rip Ben apart. It was one thing to be insecure and spineless. But to just sit there while you're girlfriend's crying? That was just stupid. It was common sense! It angered him further to remember that this was Amy. Ben would leave not just any girl to cry by herself, he left _Amy_. Something in Ricky screamed "unacceptable". He still couldn't figure out why, but a red flag flew up. This piece of information had him holding her closer, more tightly.

"He thought he was invading my personal space or something," she said. Ricky rolled his eyes. He could hear Amy chuckle at his subtle reaction and simply looked at her. It was so nice to see her let loose, if only a little. He couldn't place the last time he'd seen her genuinely laughing.

"The kid needs a lesson in common decency," he said. "He also needs to grow a spine," he added.

"He has a spine," Amy mumbled. Ricky raised an eyebrow at her in question.

"Where?" he asked curiously. "Last I saw he was extremely immature and needy. Any guy who can't stand you even _talking _to someone else needs to grow up."

"He…he does trust me," she whispered.

"Amy, tell me honestly. How many nights have I gone over there, without hearing that Ben slammed you with questions about what we were doing? What I was doing over at the house or how long I would be there?"

"He didn't slam me with questions!" she defended. "He was curious," she mumbled.

"Oh give me a break," he laughed. "Open your eyes Ames. He's controlled everything you've done for the last year."

"You don't even know him Ricky! You have no right to judge him!" Now he could see that she was fuming. Setting John on the floor beside her she began pacing. All Ricky could do was watch as she came back and forth an estimated ten times in one minute, running her fingers angrily through her hair.

"Amy, I work with him," he said calmly. "I have a pretty good idea of what he's like. Aren't you mad at him? Why defend him if he's upset you?" he asked. Amy froze mid-pace, looking him right in the eye. They only starred at each other, not one of them saying a word. "Tell me Amy? Why do you care?"

"Because…because…"

"You gotta give me more than that," he laughed. Amy sighed, stopped her pacing and sat across from him.

"Because he's the only one who will ever really want me," he whispered.

"Oh please! That's a lie and you know it." She shot him a glare which immediately wiped the growing smirk off his face.

"Really Ricky? Do you honestly believe what you're telling me? Look me right in the eye and name a guy who wants a girl with a baby," she snorted. _I do_ he thought.

"Yes Amy. There is someone out there, walking the streets that wants exactly what you have right now. Someone who will take you for exactly who you are with no conditions."

"He's gone…" she said quietly. "The only one who's ever wanted me is gone!" Without warning she burst into tears. Ricky looked at her helplessly, again asking himself why he agreed to do this. He sighed, coming to sit next to her.

"Again with the crying," he whispered. "I thought we agreed to keep that to a minimum," he said. A set of red rimmed, tear filled eyes looked up at him angrily. "I'm just kidding. Best to let it all out."

"No one's ever going to love me," she cried. "Not like this. Not when I've already been used," she said helplessly.

"You're not used Amy. You've had a baby. That doesn't mean you can't find someone who loves you both," he said gently. _Not to mention willing to put up with me_ he added mentally.

"Who in the right mind would want a teenage mother?" Ricky sighed, trying his hardest to shield the impatience in his voice. They'd already answered this question six different times. _Me _he thought, gently threading his fingers through her hair.

"Someone will Amy. Someone who will look at you and remind himself everyday that he doesn't deserve you. That you're too good for him. He'll look you in the eye every day and tell you just how much you mean to him." He sure as hell didn't deserve to even have her in his life. Amy was too good, to precious to be tainted by friendship with him. Yet here she was.

"Who the hell would do that?" she asked through tears. This time she didn't need inviting. Amy found herself subconsciously gravitating into his lap. She was glad to see that just like the last time he didn't reject her. Ricky knew that he should have. He should be keeping a fair distance between them. They should never be this close. Again with no idea why, he let her head settle on his shoulder.

"I don't know Amy. I have no idea. One day, someone's going to come along though. You just have to be willing to wait."

"I don't even know why you're here. All I've done is cry."

"I'm here for you. Unless of course you don't want me to be. I'll be glad to get home. It'll give me a chance to have a little chat with the sausage prince." _Please don't leave, not yet _she pleaded. The look on her face said everything. "But you're not ready for me to leave yet," he said gently.

"How do you know that? You don't know me," she said. He smirked. He knew a lot more about her than she realized. In the last year he'd made a good job of picking up on her body language, her expressions. Why he'd done so, he had no clue.

"You're breakin' down at the drop of a hat Amy," he pointed out.

"So, what makes this any different from the last thousands of times I've cried over something?"

"You're hurt," he said softly. "That's a little different than all the other times."

"You've always done the hurting. How would you know?" One look at his face shut her up. She realized she'd stepped too far. Ricky saw pain. A different kind of pain but a pain none the less. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I've seen pain Amy. Pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Of all people I hoped that it would never happen to you. After John happened, you didn't deserve anything else. But it happened and the last thing I want is to know that you're going through it alone."

"Why does it matter? I'm just the stupid French horn player that you slept with at band camp. You're Ricky Underwood; you're not supposed to care."

"You're not stupid Amy!" he shot back. "If anything it's me, for getting you here. Stuff happens. Amy, people make mistakes. _I _make mistakes. But there's nothing we can do to change what's been done. I don't know how many times I have to tell you how sorry I am before you finally believe me!" he growled, making her jump. "If I could go back, if I could fix it I would. Not that I regret John. He's the best thing that's happened to me. I'd go back and make sure I never hurt you like I did. But we can't. No more than you can change what happened with Ben."

"I know. I just wish…"

"We all wish things in life didn't happen the way they do. You're only human Amy."

"I…miss it," she said quietly.

"Miss what?"

"Life," she said simply. She heard Ricky laugh and just looked at him. After a minute she realized why he was laughing and joined him. "Okay yeah, I see your point. I'm living life. I just didn't expect it to go like this," she said.

"Nobody expects anything."

"I don't want to be here anymore," she admitted, completely changing the topic of conversation.

"Ames we've talked about this," he sighed. She couldn't help smiling. That was the second time today she'd called her by something other than her name. "You gotta finish. The Amy I know ain't a quitter, I've never seen you quit anything. You sure as hell aren't gonna start now," he said with a tone of finality in his voice.

"I don't want to be anywhere. I can't be here. I _definitely _can't be home…"

"Why can't you be here?" he asked.

"I'm not good enough," she said.

"That's fucking ridiculous," he laughed. "You're the best in your section!" She smiled.

"Thanks Ricky, that's nice to hear. Even though it's not true," she blushed.

"They have no idea what they're talking about," he grumbled.

"It's okay. Takes the pressure off."

"Well one thing's for sure, you're not goin' home," he said. She was somewhat surprised. This was the first time he ever really pushed her to do something. It didn't come out forcefully. It was more like continuous encouragement. Something she expected from her parents, maybe even Ashley, but never did she see it coming from Ricky.

"Why can't I go home Mr. Underwood?" she giggled. Again his heart lurched when the sound floated through the air.

"Amy it's like finishing a race. How stupid would you feel if you just stopped running before you hit the finish line? Thousands of people are watching you and you just quit. You're gonna get run down by the people behind you. You're just gonna lay there, letting them do what they want with you. Do you really wanna give them that kind of power over you?"

"I don't have thousands of people watching," she corrected.

"That doesn't mean you don't have people supporting you. "Your parents, your sister, your friends, me."

"You?" Ricky rolled his eyes.

"Look at him," he said directing her attention to an occupied little boy who sat playing with is toys. Amy did look at him. After a couple of minutes her gaze met Ricky's again.

"What does he have to do with you?" she asked.

"We're his parents Amy. We made a promise to work together. And working together means supporting each other, not just him."

"So you're doing it out of obligation?" she said much louder than she intended.

"Amy I really don't know how else to tell you that hasn't already been said," he groaned. "I didn't _have_ to come here."

"But you did," she smiled. The sight of it made Ricky's heart race.

"Can you guess why?"

"I called you crying my eyes out," she scoffed.

"Well there's that," he agreed. "I care about you Amy. I think I've already told you that." Even though he had, she was still somewhat shocked. It wasn't like him to admit his feelings.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Anytime," he smirked. "Hey can I grab a shower?" Amy nodded pointing her finger in the direction of the bathroom. "Great. If anyone calls just let it go to voicemail. If it's him, just ignore it." Amy nodded, more than willing to comply with the second request. "Once I'm out, we'll figure out what to do for the day," he said. A day with Ricky. _This should be interesting_ she thought. "Back in a little bit," he smirked.

Once he closed the door and started the running water, Amy laid her head back tiredly. There was something about him, as irritating as he was, that made everything okay. She decided to simply play the "father of my baby card" and let it be. Because really, that's all it was. If it wasn't for John she wouldn't even be in the same room as Ricky. They were just too different. They came from completely opposite worlds. _So, why can't I stop thinking about him?_

The vibrating of an incoming text let her open her eyes again. She saw that he left it on her bedside table and reached for it from her place on the floor. She had to blink several times before she was sure she knew which name she saw. Amy knew she shouldn't but something in her couldn't stop her finger from pressing down on the center button. opening the message.

_Are you going to tell her?_

"Tell me about what?" she asked confused to an empty room.

**A/N: There you go! Let me know how it went please! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.**

She found herself reading it three more times, just to be sure that's what she read. There was more than one thing wrong with this. The first one being, why was Ricky getting a text from Ashley? It's not like Amy suddenly cared who Ricky was friends with. In fact, it was easier that her family got along with him. They could coexist peacefully if they all got along. More alarming though, was the context of the message. What did she miss out on that, according to this, Ricky was given the job of telling her.

"What did I tell you about letting it go to voicemail?" he asked coming up behind her. After a few seconds of being startled she felt herself shiver. Again, he was so close. Amy could once again feel the heat of his breath on her skin. _Don't look up, don't look up_. Slowly, her eyes met his familiar smirk. She blushed when she noticed Ricky looking right back at her.

"You—you got a text," she whispered. He sent her a playful glare as he took the phone from her hand. "I didn't mean to look," she said blushing lightly. She held stiff, preparing herself for some kind of privacy speech. Instead, she heard him just laugh. Coming up behind her he quietly laid a hand on her shoulder.

"What are you so up tight about?" he asked. "It's okay I'm not gonna yell at you Amy." She felt herself release a breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Who was it?" She was about to tell him he could look for himself but she noticed that he hadn't yet looked at his phone.

"Why are you talking to Ashley?" she asked, her words coming out much harsher than she intended them too. Ricky looked over in her direction, a raised brow creasing his perfect forehead. She could feel herself getting light-headed and shuffled back. Remembering that she was still angry with him, she regained composure and glared at him.

"Because we're friends," he said slowly, his reply coming out as more of a question. Seeing that her face had gone slightly pale, he settled himself next to her, taking her arm gently while leading her to a spot on the bed. "You should sit down. You don't look so good." Amy rejected his touch like skin to a flame. Ricky worked hard to shield the pain at her rejection.

"Oh yeah, just like you're _just friends _with Adrian," she scoffed. A part of Amy knew that she was taking this much farther tan she should be. A much bigger part though, was making her defensive. Defensive of what? Ricky wasn't hers to worry about. He could do whatever, whenever he wanted.

"Amy, you know that's over," he sighed. "She wants commitment, I can't do that," he said. _At least not with her _he thought. She only huffed in anger, a sigh blowing strands of hair from her distressed face. A smile soon replaced it when she noticed John waddle over to her, his latest form of entertainment in his hand. She picked him up, taking the offered toy. There was no way she could be angry now. His innocent face wiped it all away.

"Having fun?" she grinned, taking him closely. Seeing that she was distracted, Ricky cautiously made his way over to her. His fingers barely brushed her hand making her again look in his direction. He smirked when he saw that she wasn't going to fight back. At least for now. Instead she offered him her familiar smile. "You're like my little duck," she laughed.

"You should see him run," Ricky said. "If you think seeing him walk is funny, wait till he runs to you." Amy sighed. She'd only been gone two weeks and things felt so different.

"I've missed so much," she whispered.

"Nah. You haven't missed much. It's just more school drama. Nothing new and exciting. Your parents are still playing the do or don't game. I think they're coming closer to some kind of solution though."

"Unlike us," she mumbled.

"Amy I think we need to talk," he said. She looked over at him and rolled her eyes.

"We are talking," she pointed out.

"No, I mean about us."

"What us? There is no 'us'." I don't think there is ever going to be one. Not with the way things are going. I mean, you're keeping secrets from me Ricky. I thought we agreed to turn over a new leaf. What did my sister have to remind you to tell me?"

"Okay, before you say anything let me get the whole story out first." Amy could already tell she wasn't going to like this but nodded anyway. "Promise me Ames. Promise you're not gonna blow a blood vessel." She sighed, exasperated and nodded once again. "I…I kissed your sister," he said carefully.

"You did what?" she asked through clenched teeth. Ricky just held up his hand, a silent signal to let him finish.

"A few days after you left I went to say goodnight to everyone before I called it a night. I went into her room to see her lookin' upset. She wouldn't make eye contact with me, wouldn't even acknowledge me. When I asked her what was wrong she asked me if anyone ever stayed in love anymore or somethin'. I don't remember exactly what I told her but I offered her a hug. After a minute, she kissed me. I fought her off at first. I knew it was wrong."

"But you didn't fight her off, did you?" she asked. Ricky shook his head. Amy wasn't sure but somewhere in his expression she saw what she thought to be a hint of shame. What was this? Ricky Underwood never felt shame. At least not when it came to kissing women. He enjoyed it way too much to feel guilty about it.

"I…I couldn't. Ashley insisted."

"Did you kiss her back?" He nodded his eyes downcast before quietly meeting hers again. The expression he met when they were finally at eye level was not something he wanted, but something he expected. Amy looked like she was about to blow a gasket.

"I can't believe you Ricky! After everything we've been through with John you put the moves on my sister!" He sighed not exactly sure where to go from here.

"It's not like I intended it to happen," he defended.

"But surprise, surprise, it happened! I mean I know you're a player, but my sister. I can't believe this," she whispered. Amy could feel moisture building in her eyes and quickly brushed it away. When he noticed the shine in her eye, his hand instinctively went up to brush her cheek. In quiet, clear, anger she slapped it away. Again Ricky couldn't help feeling unwanted. This time though, he tried a second time, gathering her slipping tears in the palm of his hand. He quickly came to realize that he could take Amy in any form. Happy, angry, ready to blow his head off. Anything but this. Anything but crying. She didn't fight him now. She just kept a solid glare. Why was she getting so upset with him? Sure he'd kissed her sister. Something that angered her in ways she couldn't even begin to explain. Even more confusing though were the lingering others. It was more than the fact that Ricky had kissed Ashley. She felt cheated, betrayed, played with. But why?

"That doesn't mean I regret doing it," he said. She snorted, not believing any of it. "I'm not proud of it Amy," he whispered.

"Yeah right. You play tonsil hockey with anything that has boobs," she said coldly. His hand unknowingly became a fist at his side. Now he was just as mad as she was. Didn't she understand anything? Didn't she get that he was trying to change, be a better person? For him, his family, _her_.

"Alright so I kissed your sister, and I kinda liked it." Ricky could see a flame of anger building in her eyes. She didn't need to know why he'd done it, why he enjoyed it just a little, even though he wasn't supposed to.

"Why?" _It was the closest to you I'll ever get _he thought. Ricky groaned letting gravity bring him down to the bed they sat on.

"I don't really have to have a reason Amy. All you need to know is that it happened, I don't like that it did and I'm sorry." Again the image of Ben flashed in her head. She had no idea whether she was ready to yell or cry because of it. It sounded different coming from Ricky. Something about it was sincere. She felt John give her a light shove. A smile graced her face when she feigned falling over receiving a light round of giggles.

When her eyes reopened she came face to face with dark brown twins that floated just above her. She was somewhat surprised to see that for once, they weren't joined by a smirk. Amy had to be sure to blink a couple of times just to make certain that there was in fact, a light smile on Ricky's face. She felt the weight of her son leave her lap now; her only focus the chocolate orbs that seemed to dig right into her. Raising her head, she let her lips just brush his. Something in Ricky snapped. He wasn't supposed to be doing this. This was wrong on a number of levels. But then why, did it feel so right? Something in him returned it feverishly. Amy found herself taking it a step further, her hands wondering aimlessly in search of the buttons on one of his most common over-shirts. Before they could dig themselves very deeply, Ricky pulled away, clear question in his eyes.

"Amy, what are you doing?" he asked. The question came from a raged breath. When she was finally able to realize what she had done, she blushed a deep red.

"I…I…I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me," she whispered. "I'm probably the last person you'd want to be—"

"It's not that Amy. I've put you there once; I don't want to accidently do it again." She didn't know how wrong she was. There was a reason band camp happened at all. She had something that so many others didn't. Something that made her more of a challenge. When so many were draping themselves over him desperately, she avoided him with everything she had. Ricky Underwood was never not wanted. She was the first one he ever had to encourage to be with him. And look at where that got them? A baby at fifteen and sixteen years old.

"No, it's okay. I know I'm not Adrian," she said.

"I don't want you to be Adrian. I don't want you to be anyone but you," he said. "Why Amy, why are you so desperate to have sex all of a sudden?"

"I just wanna forget," she whispered. "It's not like anything would happen. I've been on the pill."

"What, why?" he asked incredulous.

"You," she said simply. He was shocked to say the least. What the hell did her going on the pill have to do with him?

"Amy we're not doing this again. I'm done with sex."

"You're kidding."

"No I'm not. As much as I love John, I don't want anymore. I'm not father material Amy." She just laughed, watching as John made his way over to Ricky. She smiled when she saw him pick him up, his larger hands playing with his much smaller feet.

"Then what's that supposed to be?" she asked directing his attention to the little boy in his lap. "He loves you Ricky. Not just because he's supposed to, he chooses to. You're great with him. I hate to admit it but sometimes I hate you. I hate that you make it look so easy. I hate that you're the only one who's able to get him to sleep at night. The minute you leave he wakes up again, like he senses you're gone."

"You gotta loosen up a bit. You're always so uptight and tense. He feeds off of whatever you give him. If you're relaxed, he's calm. If you're stressing he's gonna be upset too." He went up to rub the shoulder that was in reach and nodded knowingly. "See this? This is tense," he whispered massaging her tight muscles. Amy sighed closing her eyes while she fell into his touch. "There ya go. Can you feel the difference?" She nodded letting her head fall on his shoulder.

Almost immediately his senses were filled with lilacs again. For a minute he wanted to move her. He then realized how much he liked it. Again, he knew he shouldn't, but he did. So he left her there, resting peacefully. All while fighting the urge to kiss her. it became more difficult now seeing as she was only right next to him.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she whispered. She felt the echo of his laugh in his shoulder and looked up at him. "What?"

"Nothing's wrong with you Amy. You are who you are."

"Ben thinks so," she admitted.

"He's just jealous. Jealous of what we have that he can never take." _Do we even have anything_ she wondered.

"Why did you kiss my sister?" she asked.

"I already told you—"

"Tell me the real reason," she said giving him a stern look. He sighed meeting her eyes once again.

"Amy, the truth is that I…I…I think I…"

**A/N: There we go! Let me know how it went please!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I still do not own Secret Life.**

Now, something clogged his throat, stopped him from speaking. For the first time, Ricky found himself at a loss for words. Before he'd fallen asleep on the plane, he made sure to go over exactly what he'd tell her. He knew this question would come up eventually. It would come out in one of two ways. Either Ashley would tell her out of anger or it would just slip. He honestly never thought it would come out in confrontation. This situation wasn't planned for.

"Why did you kiss Ashley?" she asked again. This time the question came out with an edge, a spite of anger. It wasn't that Ricky wasn't used to seeing her pissed off. The sight of it actually brought on a kind of twisted comfort. When they fought like this, he always had an answer, a way to dig himself out. It frustrated him that this time, he had none. "What, cat got your tongue?" Amy asked sarcastically.

"I…I..."

"Out with it Underwood, I don't have all day to watch you stand here catching flies," she said, tapping her foot impatiently._ What flies? _Ricky thought. Rolling her eyes, Amy came up, pressing gently on jaw. It took her closing it for Ricky to realize that he was just standing there, mouth open, not able to say anything. Just as soon as she let go, he could feel the absence of her touch. It took him five seconds to wipe his eyes of emotion. He didn't want to show her how much he missed it. "Oh my god, this has got to be a first. Ricky Underwood is unable to speak? I never thought I'd see the day," she said in mock shock.

He growled, sending a playful glare in her direction. Amy only laughed watching as the man with every smooth comeback in the book stood there as if someone had come and ripped out his vocal cords. Now, he was frustrated. He hadn't planned for it to come up like this, but still he had rehearsed it. Why couldn't he just come out and say it? Why couldn't he man up and tell Amy Juergens exactly how he felt? Why couldn't he just say them? _I love you Amy_. He realized that he wasn't exactly sure how he felt. Sure he'd gotten these weird flutters when he saw her smile, seeing her laugh, the warmth when he held her. What did it all mean? Ricky had never in his life experienced anything like this. Why were there suddenly butterflies living inside of him. It's not like they were ever there before.

"I…missed you," he whispered. She had to strain to here his quiet confession but as soon as she did, Amy jerked. _He missed me?_ she wondered. She smiled quietly to herself, hoping that he wouldn't see just how happy that made her. Why it did, she still had no idea. It's not like she had actual feelings for him. How was she not to believe that he was just making that up to keep her from getting mad at him? Out of the corner of his eye, Ricky's vision landed on a small smile crawling to her lips. Something in her eyes told him that he wasn't supposed to see it so he kept a blank expression, allowing the sight to be brief.

"You…missed me?" she whispered. As soon as she rephrased it, he knew how out of character it sounded. Missing meant you cared enough for someone to feel their absence. They were still just friends. As parents, they were a different kind of friends, but friends none the less. Maybe that was why he'd admitted it. Over the course of the last year, they'd come to depend on each other. The two had come to work as a team. While she was gone, it was just him, balancing all aspects of John. He had no one to talk anything over with.

"Yeah…I missed you. I miss just having you there to talk to about him. It's not like I can go to Ashley about any of this. We're the ones who had a baby." The silence that hung over them when he said that, sent Ricky a clear message that he'd overstepped, said something he shouldn't have. He didn't have to look at her face to know that he was still in trouble.

"What does she have to do with that?" she asked with a slight anger in her question. Just as soon as it came out like that, she wondered why she was getting all worked up. _She's my sister_ she defended. Something told her it was a little bit more than that. Amy ignored that something and just stuck with the first part. None of the other stuff made any sense.

"I needed to get my mind off of a bunch of stuff. That's what I do Amy. When I'm stressed, I have sex. I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore so I'm handling it differently. Your sister was upset, I offered her a hug, and we kissed. I didn't want to kiss back, Amy. Something in me clicked. Something in me remembered. It was familiar, comfortable."

All of this was true, of course. The kiss reminded her of Adrian in a way. It brought back all of the times that he'd just shown up. One look would tell her what he needed. They never talked, it just happened. The next day, they went on about it as they usually did. But like everything else connected to Amy, this was different. This time he wasn't the initiator. Ashley had forced it on him. At the same time though, Ashley was a part of Amy. He now understood what the kiss spiked from. It wasn't a substitute for sex. It wasn't even the hunger of being involved with another woman to numb everything. This was about Amy. Ricky returned that kiss feeling the need for Amy. Of course, he would never tell her this. He was Ricky. Ricky Underwood never allowed himself to feel. He had no idea what that even meant.

"So you used her?" Amy said slowly. She laughed to herself when she realized that this idea wasn't really anything new. Ricky used every girl he'd ever been with. What would make Ashley any different? He eyed her carefully, not sure exactly how to explain it. It's not that he used her. He thought of it more as helping a friend out.

"I didn't use her, Amy!" he bellowed, getting low on his already limited patience. "She was upset, I hugged her, and it turned into a kiss. A kiss that I regret, but it still happened! Why do I always have to be the one to blame here? Have you ever stopped to think that maybe she's not the innocent party here?"

"It's what you do, Ricky! It's what you've always done! Even if you promise yourself that it's not going to happen again, you slip up! Seriously though, why did it have to be my sister? Do you know how freakin' awkward it would be if you two actually had sex? Not to mention the fact that you might not live to see tomorrow when my dad got wind of the situation? It's one thing to get me pregnant. It's another thing entirely to put Ashley there too!"

"Oh for Christ sake, Amy! I wasn't even thinking of having sex. If I did it sure as hell wouldn't be with Ashley!"

"Oh, so now my sister's not good enough for you?" she asked angrily. Ricky's eyes widened. Not only was he frustrated with Amy but now she had him confused. Since when did this turn into a question of whether or not Ashley was doable?

"What the hell, Amy? First you're yelling at me for kissing her. Which may I remind you, wasn't my idea! Now you're going back and yelling at me for _not _sleeping with her? What is with you?"

"Have you ever stopped to consider that Ashley is _fourteen years old_?" Ricky sighed, fighting the urge to roll his eyes at her.

"Yes Amy, yes I did. That's _exactly _why I didn't consider anything like that and never will."

"Well then why did you do it?"

"What does it matter, Amy? It happened like three days ago. Oh, and then there's the fact that absolutely nothing happened. Just let it go. Ashley knew what she was doing."

"Oh come on! She's fourteen! Her kinda-sorta brother-in-law is the lead drummer. This, by default makes him appealing. Her hormones are going to speak long before her brain knows what the hell is going on." Ricky stopped for a minute to consider what she'd just said. Amy had given him a family label. It took a minute for it to really sink in. Then, with a jolt, he realized what it meant. As messed up as this arrangement was, he had some kind of family. He'd even, on some level gained the respect of her parents. Not that George was hard to get along with. When it came to his daughters though, he was a little bit harder to sway. Ricky had a place. For the first time, he actually had people who cared. Margret had to, given her role in his life. The Juergens, though grudgingly at first, cared about him when really, they could have just left him there.

"Whacked out hormones or not, it's a done deal. Why do you suddenly care so much? It's her life. As long as she doesn't get pregnant, she can do what she wants with it. You may be her older sister, but you can't tell her what she can and can't do. Ashley's stubborn. She gets what she wants even when it's not exactly the smartest idea. She'll learn from it."

"Why do I care?" she scoffed. "I know I just gave you two very good reasons as to why I care!"

"Amy, would you just stop freaking out? It was nothing more than a little kiss!"

"'Nothing more than a little kiss'," she mimicked angrily. "Isn't that what band camp was supposed to be? Oh no wait, it was just supposed to be a late night snack. Now look where we are," she sighed.

"Are you saying that you regret keeping him?" Ricky asked more than shocked. Amy's eyes widened as tears sprang to her eyes. Almost instantly, he wanted to take back that last part. Ricky almost laughed at the irony. Here he was, trying to make her feel better. He'd flown all the way to New York to stop her crying. Yet, here he was, his bitter anger the reason for the moisture in her eyes.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a reply," she clipped. Ricky sighed, carefully coming over to sit beside her. Not to his surprise, though a little hurtful all the same, she shuffled out of his reach. "You know how I feel about John…" she whispered, brushing fresh tears from her eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have said that. I know you love him, Amy. I just…I don't know what to say anymore. I said I was sorry about fifty times. Had it been up to me, it would have never happened," he whispered.

"I don't care that you did it," she sighed. "I knew you'd cave eventually. I just don't know why it had to be Ashley…"

"I…I don't know," he lied. Almost immediately, he felt guilty for lying. The truth is, he did know. He knew full well why he gave in. He wasn't going to tell her. Not now, not ever the real motive behind the liplock . Sensing the uneasiness in his voice, Amy glared. He may be a pain in her ass most of the time, but she'd learned to read him.

"You're lying," she said slowly. Ricky looked up at her, slightly taken off guard. Not trusting his voice he just sat silent. It took him a minute to realize that, just like he learned to read her, she had done the same with him. He sighed, now unsure of how to get her to drop the subject. The last year or so taught him, that she wouldn't. Amy wouldn't drop the topic if it was a scalding hot potato sitting in her hands. She wouldn't let up until she got what she wanted. The shift of his eyes told Amy that she'd caught him. Now he would come out with it. "I thought we were all about honesty, Ricky."

"We are," he said. "I just…"

"Just say it. Tell me what's on your mind and then I'll let you leave."

"I don't want to leave," he whispered. "I can't."

"The door's right there. You can walk out of it just the same as you walked in." Amy had no idea how wrong she was. Even if he got up and walked out like she suggested, he wouldn't go out the same. He had no idea what changed. He _did _know though, that even if she didn't know it, Amy made it happen. She'd been doing that a lot lately.

"No Amy, I can't," he whispered. Seeing that over time his hands had become fists, she gently placed her hands over them, unwinding the tension. Her subtle touch sent a flare of electricity through him. Amy jumped back a little when she felt a little something to. Still, she kept them there.

"You're the only one who does that to me," he said quietly. "You're the only one who ever puts me in this place. Somehow we always end up fighting. I don't wanna fight anymore, Amy. It's not good for him. It's not good for us."

"So, do we just stop?" Once she said it, she realized how stupid it sounded. Of course they could stop. They both knew, however, that they wouldn't. Fighting was what they did. It was safe, it was familiar. Fighting was the only thing that still made sense in this mess.

"I'm not sayin' it's gonna be easy, but we have to be willing to try."

"For John," she said. Ricky nodded, still feeling the warmth of her grasp. Amy knew it wasn't just for their son. As much as they wanted to make it about the baby, it was for them too. What was it that they were willing to try? Was it to stop being at each other's throats? Sure, that was part of it. There was something else though. Something foreign that, neither party was willing to step into. "Okay. We've been getting along anyway. We just have to learn each other's buttons so we don't get here. I don't like fighting with you, Ricky…" she admitted.

_I don't like being the reason you cry _he added to himself. He could feel his tight grip loosening now. Whether it was from the fact that they weren't arguing anymore, or the grip she still had on his hands, he wasn't sure. Amy's hands were warm, comforting, safe. He had no idea where this came from, but soon their faces were inches apart. At first he fought he closeness. They weren't like that; they could never be like that. Still, the heat of her breath pulled him closer.

"Why…Ashley," she asked again slowly.

"I already told you," he whispered.

"No you didn't. Tell me the truth, Underwood." Slowly, their lips met. Only five seconds later, they were going hard and fast. Any concept of fighting was long forgotten. Now, they were fighting. This however, was fighting of a different nature. Ricky's dominant nature eventually won out and Amy had to let him take her. She went willingly, just letting their tongues tangle. Soon, they both came up for breath.

"That's the truth," he said with a soft, ragged breath.

**A/N: So sorry for the long wait. I hope you can all forgive me for my lack of updates. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. Leave a review in my stocking, before you go?**


End file.
